How to Gather with Non-Stoners
As the resident stoner in most of my circles, including my family, I am writing this for me. A simple flower-consuming person, seeking a way to sway non-stoners into just ~ letting us live, maaan. ~
I didn’t find weed until I was 26 with an Advertising degree on me, so I can't help but market it in a way that I feel is missing. “Smoking the devils lettuce” is actually what helps my brain slow down enough to process and be present for the moment. What most don't know about stoners, is we normally sesh with some sort of intention. Here are a few examples of what a holiday intention could look like:
get so high we see sweet baby Jesus
reduce social anxiety
see the wonderment vs the stress
or so we can have some sort of appetite for whatever is about to be served. (I am extremely White, so the holidays can be a mixed bag of bland and under-seasoned.)
As a stoner who’s been working in legal weed since 2017 with non-stoner parents, this got me thinking, or I should say empathizing. Often flower-enjoying-weed-consumers are seen as outsiders, sometimes actually being forced outside to partake in their form of festive celebration, while everyone else is inside, warm, sloshing their beer cans, wine glasses, and champagne flutes, cheersing. Now I could write an entire other piece on alcohol vs cannabis but that's not what this is for. I wanted to write a how-to for both parties.
In the efforts of trying to make my creative department's zoom meeting suck less, I was reading “The Art of Gathering” by Priya Parker and not even halfway through, my high-ass could see a play book on how we, as stoners, could use the same techniques when dealing with non-stoner friends and family this holiday season.
Note to the reader, no matter your stance on weed: The only way this is going to work is if you remind yourself: “Love is without judgment”. I'm going to guess if you’re gathering within the final quarter of the year, love HAS to be somewhere in the equation. Even if it's damaged love, or built-in love of extended family, ask yourself: “What can I be contributing?”
For the duration of this article, I’ll be addressing stoners and non-stoners, separately.
To the Stoners, my people, I know this time of year is accompanied with a lot of shit-talking from family about how you decide to personally celebrate the holidays. (or survive them.) It's normally from a family member who will have more than their share of alcoholic beverages but put down that stone, stoner! Remember: People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. We will not make a case for ourselves by responding in the same way. Surprise them with education and awareness wrapped in love and understanding. Here are some examples from the book, The Art of Gathering, mentioned above:
Before the gathering, commit to a bold sharp purpose. Find your why and be specific! And NO it can’t be: “BeCaUsE iT’s tRaDiTiOn”. That’s not good enough. Tradition is peer pressure from dead people who have never even seen an iphone. Move on from those and get deeper by asking yourself 3x more times until you get to a belief word. Love? Accountability? If that’s difficult, normally the ‘who’ is tied to the ‘why’. Who are you doing this for? Jesus? Mom? No one needs to know about this part. This is for you. Try making a mantra out of it for when things get stressful. “inhale MY presence, exhale THEIR expectations”.
Be a laboratory. Not every hypothesis you try will work but if you, as the control group, can always be impeccable with your own actions, you are breaking the stoner stigma.
Surprise them. Go above and beyond. Pro-tip: start with the “War on Drugs” propaganda. The easiest one is: Stoners are Lazy. Break the stigma by taking the trash out on your way to sesh. Get super baked and do all the dishes. Flip the script on these hoes. I mean - loved ones.
Be your own Public Relations. Think about what YOUR desired outcome is as well as what could be the WORST outcome? Could you opt for edibles since your mom hates the smell of smoke? What if your cousin’s dog gets into those edibles? You should probably think about your stash storage strategy. By adding uniqueness to your situation, the nuances will correctly color in all the unknowns. Basic crisis-control procedures.
Be open but not LOUD. If you’re like me, sometimes stoned-me can be way more fun over depressed-me. (seasonal depression gets me every year) Stoners, we often have to hide what brings us solace, which can feel as if we are having to hide ourselves. Do what you can to be respectful but don’t put someone else’s needs above your own. Have your eye drops, breath mints, room sprays, and scented lotions at your ready and if that’s not enough - that’s THEIR problem. Keep your peace before you have to worry about theirs.
Bloom’s discreet vapes make for a tasty wake & bake.
Now my plea to non-stoners. It’s a much simpler message that could be summarized as
“Please don’t judge how we choose to survive this time of year.”
Openness. Know that agreement is not acceptance.
Be curious about your stoner’s habits. Study when they excuse themselves and who they are when they come back if only to take note of it.
Awareness of your own held beliefs and where/who they came from vs the actual person you love standing in front of you.
Be aware and respectful of your surroundings. Find a place tucked away from family for your “breathing exercises”.
A final point I’d like to leave you with from “The Art of Gathering” is: Conflict often unearths purpose. A holiday dinner with family around probably isn't the time to talk about anything deep. If either party starts to feel emotions rising, abort the mission, find a place to catch your breath, and repeat your mantras! I repeat: REPEAT YOUR MANTRAS! Remind yourself of the ‘why’. Your reason for being with each other and/or loving/putting up with one another. It has to be there, somewhere. (get high and) Find it.
As the resident stoner in most of my circles, I am writing this for me.